A messy not Monday

[9meow]

Last night was amazing. Mentioned this in my last post, but my anxiety around that part of my life seems to have disappeared completely-- at least for now. But god, I'm so tired on a mental and physical level. I know exactly why (it's the edibles. And the 6 AM asthma attack. Why are you still doing this to yourself?) and I'm about to indulge myself again in an hour. I guess that floaty warm feeling in my stomach is worth the ensuing headache, depression stat boost, and lack of desire to do anything until my next fix. This is how I'm thinking about it: I was already in a depressive episode before, might as well get those few hours of bliss in. Not to mention the way it heightens media is like crack. That's funny-- comparing drugs to drugs. I've reached the peak.

I'm about to run out of my stash soon, and I'm not planning on ordering more. That sounds risky, but it's worked out before. I've always been able to get out of weeded out periods (and the periods are honestly, probably a month max). It seems like all of my vices turn out this way...I just need to go off the walls and destroy myself for a bit so I can reinstall the OS and factory reset my model and go back to normal again. I've been holed up in my room for the majority of August and hopefully that'll end after this week. I need to get out again.

I think Samuel finishing this part of his LSAT grind will help a lot with that-- we can go on actual dates again. I want to grab that strawberry bunny hair clip we saw in that accessory shop in Japantown, and it would be nice if he picked out a few other accessories he liked for me as well. I'm a hopeless romantic...I can't help it, that's the kind of girl I am.

Both of our birthdays are also this month, and I need to start seriously considering what I want to get him as a present. I've been thinking about something useful, like a nice wallet. He gave me this adorable long boy Cinnamorroll from his trip to SacAnime as an early birthday present but not the [birthday present]. I'm hoping for jewelry of whatever pricepoint so I can always carry a piece of him around. He also ended up picking up the same Coreful Mai figure I bought for myself, so we're matching unintentionally and that makes me very happy. Seeing how cute the figure is in my room may have convinced him.

| This image probably would have been better with a horizontal layout.

| Coreful Mai. He gifted me the Pop Up Parade Mai from our last (and first) visit to Japantown. The lovely white roses were also from him <3

Speaking about birthdays and being a hopeless romantic, here's a thought that won't leave my head: if we get married and have a kid, I want it to be born on Sptember 26th...I'm on the 25th, and he's on the 27th........ahh, why am I like this. 

Before our birthdays, a little September highlight-- I'll be going down to Kentucky from the 21st to the 24th to meet Garrett for Louder than Life, which is a huge festival to look forward to! Can't wait. It'll be an expensive trip, but after that I can focus on buying myself that CPU and Graphics Card for my PC. Wanted to add a little eating disorder related rant here but it seems like writing this has calmed down the destructive hand reaching out of my forehead. Deleted a few Dreamwidth icons, added a few Dreamwidth icons.

Lastly. A few kind members from the BentoVid Discord gave me a ton of MMVs and AMVs to watch, and I got invited into another server! I'm off to get my fix and watch them now. And since I'm getting high, door dashed Krispy Kreme. I'll put a pic of that in here too.

EDIT 09/06/23 1:17 PM: I didn't order a dozen glazed donuts and eat them all! I'm proud of myself. Saving money and my stomach against self destructive urges, whoo. Did have two servings of dinner and 1/4th of a bag of potato chips after not eating the rest of the day.