9meow | Cloudy Thursday (Reply)

Didn't have energy to update yesterday, even though so much happened-- I'll do it today. Did have the urge to write last night while I was half sleeping vs. half waking up so that can go here too, don't know how coherent it'll be though...

March 3rd

Today's a very cloudy day; the air smells like rain. Perfect weather for productivity and creativity, works out great for me. Woke up with my body feeling sluggish, but my brain is alert...I wonder if it's caffeine withdrawal? Middle school me would pee her pants reading that, I used to brag about hating coffee and never needing it. Hated the taste, I think it's because my mother would always give it to me drowning in milk and sugar. It could never drown out the bitter taste, just left it feeling heavy, muddy, and confused.

I love coffee now though, because of the bitter taste! The acidity is nice too. If I had black coffee as a kid I think I would have felt the same; my preferences in food and drink haven't changed much. My one rule is I'm not a fan of processed stuff. Anyway, I had one of my least favorite reoccurring nightmares and didn't want to get out of bed, and when I finally did walking felt like the greatest chore in the plant. Maybe I just need some coffee...

Plan for today is sit at my desk and write. And work. No one bother me! Desk is right next to a window too. I have sheer curtains on this one so the gray light coming in is fogging up the area perfectly; dreamwidth dark mode is nice to look at too, so cozy.

Relaxing...

Here's my desktop. I'm a big fan of Mikiya and Cinnamorroll, they're the perfect fluffy combo. Ordered a few rolls twoish days ago, anticipating their arrival. Psst Jeremy if you're reading, your edit is my laptop wallpaper :)

March 2nd

Remember having another nightmare yesterday; as edgy as it sounds most of my dreams revolve around me dying. Been like this for a while though so it's not like I wake up screaming or anything...think I got about threeish hours of sleep after working and exploring dreamwidth all night so the issue is definitely in my lifestyle. Don't particularly want to change, having this much time is nice in it's own way. Been alone with my thoughts my entire life and recently I've been enjoying it more. I'm an edgy person, embrace it.

Woke up at 1:30 and immediately checked the news, new habit; the Russo-Ukraine war, have the gut feeling this is going to develop into something very dangerous with implications for everyone. Also remember having unusually insane definition in my abs, happy to say the muscle from middle+high school martial arts never went away. Took Leo on a walk in the park and up the hills.

We decided to go the Justin Bieber concert last minute. Felt really blessed having the ability to just attend and buy tickets without plans. I've been taking it for granted, but if I ever have a family I want to be able to do the same for them. Life is about experiences; I want to be able to give them everything. Seems so out of reach right now but one day...

Concert was amazing. Always been a fan of his dreamy voice, amazing atmosphere with the visuals on stage, and the band was killing it-- he seemed to have a ton of unique guitar parts on his new album, I'll have to give it a listen. Another part that stood out was Eddie Benjamin as an opener, I think I fell in love? I have something for cute people who can play instruments; it's instantly attractive. Went to In-N-Out after and had fries for 11pm dinner.

Exhausted after and went to sleep right away; not sure if I fell asleep or fainted in bed. Is there even a difference? Did have the thought to explore that with writing while thinking deliriously so I'll be doing that soon. Woke up a few hours later sweating and chugged a shitton of water and a protein bar.

Felt it swishing around in my stomach waking up today, weirdest feeling ever. That's it for now.